emotional wreck

maybe right now isn't the best time for me to be posting a blog, considering my emotional state. but here goes. today was my last day of school. got up this morning, the sun was shining, i was in complete denial about saying goodbye to my kids so my spirits were high. we headed to school, armed with schoolbags filled with goodies we'd bought for our kids. the walk was long and sweaty so we were glad to finally be there. we walked into the class and were greeted with... emptiness. my worst fears comfirmed. yesterday the rains came down so hard that our school flooded. we didn't even have school because the kids were sent home. i was afraid that since tests were done and all that was left was handing out report forms, that the kids just wouldn't come. i couldn't believe it actually happened. standing there, in the muddy, empty room for the last time i couldn't stop the tears from flowing. mary, the head teacher was there and she said not to worry, she'd get the kids. so she went across the tracks and got one of my students, mary. mary was sent to get a few more students. one by one the kids came running up to the school. then they were sent off to fetch more students. it was amazing. only about 35 kids came but 4 out of 5 of my students came. i gave them each new school bags filled with goodies. they were soooo excited. wow. over and over they kept taking everything out of the bags, looking at it all and putting it all back in.
it was the last day for me and majo so we gave the kids in our classes gifts. but there were kids there from the other classes. you could tell they were hoping to get some gifts. they were outside playing but kept looking in the class to see everyone with their new bags. i only wish i could afford to get new bags for 100 kids.. maybe next time. i went and bought them all suckers and gave them stickers which cheered them right up.
it was sooo hard saying goodbye to the kids that were there and even harder dealing with the fact that i didn't get to say goodbye to so many of them. but i was so happy to see them leaving with such huge smiles on their faces. of course they don't understand that we won't be back. gah. it's so hard :(
there've been a lot of tears today. i'm not ready to deal with all the people and things and way of life i'm going to miss. i'm not ready to leave here. i'm not ready to leave my work, the kids, the project. we are having a lot of issues with the head teacher of the school and the future is so iffy. basically we volunteers are feeling a lot of frustration and helplessness. that's pretty common around here at all the placements. you can only do as much as you can. and sometimes that feels like its not enough. i know i'm being vague but its too much to get into over a blog.
wooooo, there's just too much going on today. too many emotions... i'll just end this on a happy note - pics of my kids with their bags!