oh wow. i am sure terrible at this blog thing. i'm great at reading everyone else's, but updating my own, that's another story. so, here's what's going on with my trip:

-i leave october 12 @ 11:20am and return november 28th @ 6:30pm.
-funds are nearly in. praise god! woot woot. still waiting on a few details of exact costs, but i think i only need a few hundred more dollars above and beyond what i can still put in.
-i am now immunized for polio/diptheria/tetanus, hepatitis a and typhoid fever. i'll be adding flu, yellow fever and malaria to the list on tuesday.
-passport application is in and should be mailed to me by the 7th

it feels like i should have more info.. but somehow i don't. i think i will find out more about my orphanage and that sort of thing in september. or possibly not til my training which is my first few days in nairobi. i'm starting to get pretty excited about it all - it's not too far away. i could definitely still use your prayers. there's lots of stuff that still needs to be worked out before i go. mostly in my heart. i've been so selfish lately. with my time. with my money. with pretty much my whole life. how am i gonna go out there and serve little ones, serve god, when i've gotten into the habit of serving only me me me?

here's one of my biggest struggles lately: i know i need to make changes in my life, but i don't know where to start. the more i realize the sins i am a slave to, how far i am from the character of christ, the injustice in the world, my part in that, and just how much needs to be done, the more overwhelmed i get and i end up not starting at all. i've become addicted to reading blogspots. there are several people's blogs that i read daily (some people i don't even know..), that challenge me and stretch me and convict me and encourage me. i sit, eating my oatmeal in the mornings, reading these blogs and nearly pumping my fist in the air thinking..yesssss, the kingdom.. yesssss, god's calling.. yessss, let's start a flippin revolution man!!!... and it's great to have these thoughts, it's great to have discussions, it's great to feel passion.. but with no actions.. then hey, it's... not so great. it's not as though i don't want to do something.. i just don't know where to start. i want someone else to start something, then hey, i'll just join in. i mean, i'm not much of a leader, i lack initiative... ideas... motivation... and good excuses. ah, i know, i know.. i'm just making stuff up, trying to justify my laziness. i'm not doing what i've been called to do. i'm not being who i've been called to be. and all i can do is selfishly make excuses and try to blame others? geez, what a mess.

so i'm starting with baby steps, working on aligning my life with jesus', finding my place to help in this great story, trying not to get overwhelmed and trying to remember mother theresa's wise words:

"Do not wait for leaders; do it alone, person to person."
"If you can't feed a hundred people, then feed just one."
"In this life we cannot do great things. We can only do small things with great love."